Surrogate sex therapy is an opportunity for single people to practise sexual exercises with a trained professional, a surrogate, supervised by the therapist. In effect a sex coach to teach sexual skills “hands on” and is the most effective treatment with a success rate of 95%.

Surrogate sex therapy teaches clients to have a relationship including, sexual intercourse, with a trained professional – the surrogate- under the direction of the therapist. The 3 people the client, surrogate and therapist all work together to solve the problem. The therapist is not in the room with the client and surrogate.

The aim of surrogate therapy is to help people solve their sexual problems by learning emotional and relationship skills that are the basis for a healthy sexual relationship.

Surrogate sex therapy has been practised by professional therapists when traditional techniques don’t work. Clients are selected according to strict criteria and sex is never a guaranteed part of the therapy. The therapy is conducted according to the highest ethical and professional standards of the International Professional Surrogates Association where the client interests, safety, and confidentiality are paramount. The therapist does not watch the client and surrogate, but receives a written report of the sessions and devises new exercises to overcome the problem.

In the 1950’s the pioneers of sex therapy Masters and Johnson revolutionized the treatment of sexual problems by clearly demonstrating that the majority were learnt and could be treated psychologically. Their treatments have been the foundation of sex therapy world wide and their most successful approach was surrogate therapy. The decision to use surrogates “has been one of the more effective clinical decisions made during the past eleven years devoted to the development of treatment of sexual inadequacy” Masters and Johnson (p 154, 1970). A law suit brought by a wife of one of Masters and Johnson patients brought surrogate therapy to a premature end in 1971.

Recent research has found that sex surrogate therapy is 95% effective in resolving hard to treat sexual issues such as premature ejaculation, anorgasmia and erectile dysfunction (Hickman 2007). This makes sex surrogate therapy the most effective sex therapy available by far.

Surrogate sex therapy is very different from prostitution as it is therapy – a process designed to help people with sexual problems. Sex workers are not trained and generally do not want to help people – they feel little, get money and act. Sex workers are taught to be in control and get it over quickly to service the next customer.

Surrogates counsel, teach, are genuine and get paid a lot less than sex workers.
Surrogates are trained, counselled and supervised by a highly trained and experienced sex therapist.

The surrogates are trained to be authentic and build rapport (the two most effective parts of counselling) so that a genuine relationship develops with strict boundaries for the clients benefit. As in counselling two strangers sitting in a room for an hour talking - that costs money, has rules and one needs help - can lead to very powerful feelings and experiences that change lives. So to with surrogate sex therapy – the sessions are limited, cost money and adhere to strict rules and have a profound effect on solving their problems and being able to experience one of the greatest joys in life – a loving sexual relationship.

The sessions are as much about self esteem, relationship building and education than sexual intercourse as it takes 8 to 10 hours of building an intimate relationship before they have sex. Most people dating don’t spend that long together talking and getting to know each others feelings and relating intimately.

The surrogates do this work to help people and surrogate sex therapy is much more effective than traditional talking sex therapy because three people are working on the problem together. To date there is little research but our success rate is over 90% and with clients who have seen many other therapists and tried the traditional treatments and failed.

Sex therapists the world over have not been trained and in general reject the idea of surrogate sex therapy. The main arguments are that it is not necessary, illegal, and has transference issues. Surrogate sex therapy is very necessary for the more difficult sexual problems. The rule of thumb is that all other forms of traditional sex therapy, including pharmacology have been genuinely attempted and failed. Surrogate sex therapy can be seen as a last resort for many people who have given up hope. It has been common in my experience that clients wanting surrogate sex therapy have been to many therapists and still have the problem. One said to me “I have solved every psychological problem except this sex one”. Some have had long term therapy that has successfully treated their relationship early childhood or trauma issues and they still have a specific sexual problem.

Surrogate therapy uses all the latest techniques of sex therapy including pharmacological solutions to assist clients with their problems. Typically therapy involves CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), relationship counselling, pharmacological (Viagra), sex education (DVD) and psychotherapy. This eclectic approach is responsive to clients needs and focused on a clear hypothesis based on a thorough assessment.

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WHO ARE THE SURROGATES?

Surrogates respond to advertisements in the local papers and to date have all been professionals – counsellors, naturopaths, teachers etc. So they all understand the importance of professional ethics, confidentiality issues and duty of care for clients. Most of the surrogates have a counselling background and are trained in sexual dysfunction and sexuality issues.
Some surrogates have skills in disability issues, medical/nursing backgrounds. People with a sex work or prostitution background are not employed.

PERFECT PARTNER

The other benefit of surrogate sex therapy is that a partner is provided. Many people avoid finding a partner or dating and relationships because they cannot do sex. Some try to find understanding partners but generally men think that women are more demanding than they are in reality, have a higher need for sex - especially intercourse. So men risk being called a dud lover, put down for their lack of performance and even laughed at.

Women feel they have to protect male egos or can’t make their partners listen to and believe their needs. So the feedback isn’t heard. A man is much more likely to listen to a surrogate who is a professional with experience, provides objective helpful feedback and is honest.
The surrogate has also been selected by a professional therapist, trained and matched to the client. Not something you can do dating where the look and personality may be attractive and their skills in bed not. In fact the majority of men doing surrogate sex therapy have very attractive interpersonal skills as a compensation for their lack of bedroom skills. With a surrogate the client can feel very safe and confident that the surrogate knows what they are doing, can help and will be honest.

So photos of surrogates for clients to choose are not necessary when the relationship is so much more important then the physical attractiveness.
A surrogate is in the unique position of giving direct, objective feedback in real time. Little annoying habits that defeat the mood of lovemaking become apparent and dealt with. Clients can begin touching and start thinking about their previous relationships and the surrogate will notice the subtle changes in mood, feelings etc.

The therapist has a huge advantage as every detail of the session is written down by the surrogate and can be related back to the client. The increase in information about unconscious behaviour, feelings etc is enormous. For instance if you ask a man how he caresses a woman they will tell you they do it really well – a surrogate is able to give this feedback such as the touch being too hard or soft or even the depth of feelings the clients have. Men with high anxiety for example have a low level of other feelings as the anxiety masks the feelings or quickly overtakes. These people with high anxiety for many years haven’t had the time and experience to appreciate the really deep feelings of closeness, warmth etc that sex can be.

WHAT TYPE OF PROBLEMS ARE TREATED?

The type of problems clients want resolved are the usual sexual problems of lack of performance, low desire, difficulties with orgasm. More difficult problems such as sexual phobias and specialized problems such as disability and illness issues are also treated.
 One unique aspect is that the surrogates are not told what the problem is so that they are not biased and the client is given the opportunity to reveal more and feel more intimate. The relationship is much more important than the sex.

WHAT IF I FALL IN LOVE?

With such a close relationship and large emphasis on building a relationship between client and surrogate it would be expected that strong feelings emerge. In fact, all clients ask “what if I fall in love with the surrogate?” the answer is “that if you don’t the therapy isn’t working”. Just as in counselling strong feelings emerge for therapists and are shared between counsellor and client – called transference – in sex surrogate therapy these feelings also appear. The transference in surrogate therapy is managed by acknowledging the feelings, working through them and then taking the learning into the real world. By working through, the client needs to understand whether their feelings are about their own personal issues or normal feelings that arise when people spend intimate time together. For example, toward the end of surrogate therapy clients are encouraged to start relationships in the real world and practise what they have learnt with real life situations. Specific exercises are constructed to encourage this transition. For example, forming a relationship and only progressing to foreplay to assess their ability to manage their anxiety. Many single people feel unwilling to start a relationship when they have a sexual problem for fear of “leading someone on” or “starting something they can’t finish”. While this has some logic, sooner or later, to have a sexual relationship you have to start one and take a manageable risk. The best way of doing this is to do it with someone who is trained, keen to help and caring.

SAFE SEX AND MEDICAL CHECKUPS

All contact between the surrogate and client is according to safe sex guidelines even when medical checkups clear both client and surrogate of any infections or diseases.

WHAT IS THE COST?

The first assessment interview is $170
Surrogate and therapist sessions (2.5 hours) are $640
The number of sessions depends on the problem and ranges from 3 sessions to 20 and are usually conducted weekly.